I think being understood is really important. I realise more and more one of the central reasons me and Eleni work well together is because we really understand each other. This might sound obvious, but for me it's very important.
The blog has become a bit of a problem to me. I think it's been really good for other people, but I just haven't found how it helps me yet?
I don't want to use it to qualify what I'm doing, or why I do it, nor to get people interested in my practice or theories. This is probably because I've never felt too good at articulating myself; expressing concisely my area of interest in any way I can read back and find interesting. I really enjoy discussing ideas and ways of working, but somehow when this is in person I feel better equipped to convey a real essence...maybe this isn't true, but at least I feel it to be, and so feel more comfortable doing so.
My other option therefore, is to use the blog as a form of diary, I do feel it's personal encounters and experience that fuel the work, rather than a disconnected commentry or response, so this is the prefered logical opton for me. However this falls flat, as aware that it's a public blog, immediately censors my honesty, both conciously and un conciously. I'm sure if I wrote everyday for a year I'd become oblivious to my 'audience', but at present I can't.
A couple of us were talking about the blog the other day, and I felt a little nervous at the realisation that people actually read it! This may sound naieve, but the reality that people may form an opinion on me based on the blog, really made me feel un comfortable...probably because I'm aware that when I'm clearing my mind of thoughts, I have the potential to sound like a bit of a boring twat. I do hope I'm neither boring or a twat, but this blog, again, is probably not helping my corse.
I don't read the blog. Not because I don't believe anyone would write anything interesting, I could gush for hours about the wondreful people I've met throught this group, I really don't think a more complimentry or generally lovely group could have been brought together, so I thank Alice and Matt for that. It's not that, it's that i've got to know people, and I'm really interested in what kind of things they'll come up with in response to the rules? Maybe I'll read it after the performances? But for me the real interest is how people communicate from stage, mainly as this is what I'm interested in from my own perspective.
I suppose I'm also aware that reading other, articulate and interesting bloggs, may aggrivate my inferior complex, and so are best avoided incase they spur me on to try and compete in a forum which isn't my strongest.
I don't want this blog to become depressing and all about my strenghts and weaknesses, it's the blog I'm finding difficult not me or my self esteme, I'm really quite comfortable communicating better in person...again I've reverted to using the blog as a diary, I'm just clearing this out of my mind really.
I think, to sum things up, me and Eleni both enjoy experiencing things, then finding out how this can be tranlated to others, to paint a picture or create an experience that you can step into to do your hair or make a cup of tea in. I know there are many things we're still learning, but i'm sure things being personal to us and striving to always be honest, will remain central to how we create. I'm sure the blogg for us will continue to be, at best, a diary and so be filled with experiences and emotions, over processes and intellect.
Well to tell the truth that was a good way of getting something out of my system! I'm realising my main problem is not knowing who I'm talking too?
Whoever it may be, I hope you're having a nice day. I'd like to instigate a happening and get anyone who's read this to buy a bounty bar at 3pm tomorrow, I'm sure their sales could do with a boost! Then take this chocolatey delight and give it to someone looking low on glucouse.
Bethaniex
Levantes Dance Theatre.